Thursday, August 19, 2004

Alone (Diaryland)

2004-04-27 - 11:42 p.m.

I wish that for even just a moment I could not feel. This feeling inside of me seems to grow the farther apart Robin and I become. Every single day seems to last forever because I am without her. Every moment filled with pain, every second regretting my choice yet knowing that it was the right thing to do. It's so difficult to be in love with someone, and know that they are in love with you, but not be with that person. I can only hope that she doesn't feel as bad as I do, because I did this for her. I've got this picture in my mind of she and I growing old together, spending eternity at eachothers sides. I know that picture will never come to pass, yet I keep it in my mind. I torture myself with thoughts of what might have been, and what was. In this last week I have come to hate myself, for every mistake I ever made with her, for every time I doubted her feelings towards me. I am the most selfish horrible person that I know, and there is nothing I can do to change that. So now all I can do is come to accept this, and live out my life. Alone.

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