Lost

Have you ever been so bored you just wish that you could be sedated? That's the way I feel everyday now. I don't know why I'm here, in Riverton. I hate it here, of course I would be just as miserable anywhere else. I don't have a job, I wont get a job because of my stupid issues. I'm going to end up working some crap job making minimum wage the rest of my life. I miss the way things were, I miss not worrying, granted it's been a very long time. Sometimes I wish I could just go back to being a kid, not having any huge responsibility. Every time I look outside I feel like I'm lost, I don't belong here. I left my entire life when I moved here and now I wish I could just have it all back, as unhappy as I was it was better than this. I just don't know what to do with myself. I had few enough friends already, and now I've abandoned them and have no friends. I don't know how to make new friends, it's not like it was when I was younger, I can't just go to school and meet people. I've become socially retarded because of my circumstance. I owe so much money, I still have to pay my dentist for fixing my teeth. Not to mention my brand new car payments, talk about bad timing for buying a car. I'm lost, I've been lost for a long time.

Moments Of Clarity

I think that at least once in everyone's life they have a moment of clarity. Some people have these moments often, others not so often. I recently had one of these moments about my own life. I've come to realize that my life has gone so awry that I have no idea what to do with myself anymore. I had so many plans when I was younger, I do realize how strange that sounds considering that I am only 20 years old. I feel so much older than that, 20 even sounds so old to me. I do realize that every "teenager" goes through what I am feeling now, the difference is most don't feel this way their whole life. I can't remember the last time I was truly happy. I try to pretend, I try to force myself to be happy but I just don't know if I can do it much longer. I am afraid of myself, I am afraid of the fact that I have given up on myself. I don't believe I will ever know happiness again. I know it seems shortsighted for someone as young as me to say these things, but it is the way I feel. All I have ever wanted for myself is to love and be loved in kind. I don't see any way this will be considering my stunted social skills. For those reading this that don't know, I dropped out of Highschool in 11th grade. The truth is I may as well have dropped out in 10th grade as everything was downhill when that year started. After finishing 9th grade I became a very angry person, as most teens do at some point. I was angry at the world for taking away what I had thought was happiness with Ashley. I realize now that I was unhappy long before then, I was just lying so much that I believed it myself. I'm not sure why I'm writing this in a 'blog' I should be sleeping, getting ready for work in the morning. I know that not many people read this, and I'm not sure why those who do read it do so. I'm sorry that I've wasted your time.

Not Moving?

So I'm not going to be moving up north with my family, for now at least. My family did however find a house that they like in Riverton. They will be moving up there at the end of the month, and I will be moving in with my grandparents. I have mixed feelings about staying, I enjoy my work and I feel tied to this place for some reason but at the same time my family is leaving and I will miss them. On the upside I will have a nice basement room to live in and my own bathroom. Hopefully things will work out down here and I won't have to move again soon. I would eventually like to move out of my grandparent's house and get my own place but for now this will work out well I think. I'm having one of those nights where I can't sleep so I lay in bed thinking about all sorts of things. Tonight I've been from work tomorrow, my dog, ex-girlfriends, moving, my computer, needless to say it has been a strange night and I've just about given up on sleeping at all. So for now I will continue to rock the suburbs of St. George, as Cierra would say.

Moving?!?

So my parents informed me today that they are considering moving to the Salt Lake area. This has me awake well past the time that I should be asleep. I really like it down here and it's my home, but at the same time I wouldn't mind a change. I can't decide whether I should start looking for an apartment or something. It's very confusing.

Working Days

So I pretty much work non-stop these days. I enjoy the people I work with and most of the time I enjoy my job. The only problem is that I hate the job I am actually supposed to do. I love working in the store fixing computers, I hate going out to people's houses to set up new systems. The biggest problem lies in the fact that in order for me to 'move up' one of my coworkers would have to get fired or quit. I don't want that to happen. I suppose I just have to deal with it, that's what normal people do I guess.

I was hopeful about some relationship stuff the past few days but now things aren't quite going as I had hoped. Sometimes people get too wrapped up in their own lives and just get too busy to deal with anything resembling a relationship. That hasn't happened to me yet but I am afraid that it might if I don't have something happen soon.

I got a wedding invitation from an old friend today. It's strange to think that people I went to school with are married. Life sure doesn't turn out the way you plan or want it to. I always thought that I would be in college or married, or at least in a relationship. I think I was made into a social retard because of the fact that I dropped out of high school. I don't seem to have the normal social skills that most people possess.

To Hate You

it would be so much easier to hate you, instead you are nice to me. every time i hear from you old feelings rush back into my heart. feelings that i know i shouldn't be having. feelings that probably aren't real. i know things could never have worked out but that doesn't change the fact that i miss you. things are much easier when i can hate you, but i have never been able to.

20

Well, today was my 20th birthday. I didn't have much time to reflect upon the last year today. I spent the day working. I did get to have some cheese cake when I got home though so that was nice. To those of you who remembered my birthday and emailed me or otherwise contacted me thank you. To those of you who didn't remember, I don't blame you, I wouldn't remember either. Just 1 more year and I can head down to Vegas and do a little gambling.

Enjoyment

Things are finally starting to get a little better. I've got a good job that I actually enjoy. I got out of the crap job that was killing me. There's still plenty missing from my life, but things are getting slightly better. Anyway, that's about it.

Another Year

Happy New Year Assholes. I hope you all have a better year than I know I will.

Random Thoughts

I thought of death today. I shop at Wal-Mart even though I believe they are evil. I wish I could love, though I don't know what I would do if I could. I looked at the ceiling today, as well as the walls. There is something I can't read written on the windshield of my truck in black marker. I forgot to buy things that I should have. I bought things I didn't need. I once ate a tube of cherry chap-stic, it made me feel sick. I said I would call someone weeks ago but haven't called yet. I want to call today but probably won't.

Time Spent

As the holidays draw near I can't help but reflect on time spent and wasted. I feel as though I wasted my teenage years away. This coming January I will turn 20 and my teenage years will be behind me. As that day draws nearer all I wish is that I could relive those days. So many things I should have done but didn't. So many things I wanted to do but couldn't. This will be my 5th consecutive holiday season spent alone. I don't forsee any season spent with someone to love any time in my near future. At the end of every year I still feel the same as the previous year. Lost, alone, depressed. For me the holidays are not a time of happiness and joy. For me the holidays are a time to lock myself away and be alone yet another year. For those of you who have someone special to share the season with, do something nice for that person. Don't bother with the grand gestures that you see on television and in the movies. What really matters is that you're together, the simple things in life are the most wonderful.

Asshole

So here's the situation. I've been working at my current job for about 2 months now. I work 2 nights driving to Cedar City, 1 night driving to Dixie Downs, and 2 nights managing the dock. The full time dock manager has decided to quit, so I ask my boss for the job because I don't want to drive anymore. There is no good reason to not give me the job, but of course he won't give it to me because he "needs" me where I am right now. Bullshit, he won't give it to me because it's harder to find drivers than dock managers. I deserve that job, I work my ass off for him 5 days a week. I put up with all varieties of bullshit from the people I work with. Unfortunately my company doesn't care about their employees, in fact they treat their employees like shit. The only thing that matters to them is the newspaper, the sad part is they do about the worst job of putting out a newspaper that I have ever seen. So to sum up everything I just said into a few words. My boss is an Asshole.

Work Work Work

Not much has been happening, hence the lack of posts. I just finished my 2 1/2 weeks of non-stop work yesterday. Then I slept for 24 hours to make up for all of the lost sleep. So yeah, I've just been working and sleeping mostly. I'm always bored out of my mind because of my lack of World Of Warcraft, which I don't even want to talk about because it upsets me so much. I've had a couple of letters published on RPGamer, Here and Here. Just scroll down to the "Readers Speak" section, the second letter explains my WoW situation. Oh and I've been listening to podcasts a lot lately, mostly Keith & The Girl. So yes, nothing has really changed. Still bored, still alone.

Lack Of Updates

So those of you that actually read this piece of crap might have noticed that I haven't been updating, at all. I sort of lost my excitement about blogging when I realized that nothing I write matters. I was doing it for myself in the first place, but nothing has been happening so there is nothing to write about. I live my life inside video games and movies and books, trying desperately to avoid any real life experience.

You Don't Know Me

I love when people that I know start acting completely different than they used to. I guess that's why I don't have a lot of friends. I don't change, I watch everyone around me grow and gain knowledge. I however am seemingly frozen in time, never to grow up, never to become responsible. Someday I will do something different, and the world will cease to exist because I actually changed. I am hardly narcissistic, I think of others more than myself the majority of the time. I am defintely not conceited, I do not love myself excessivly. I wish someone would see me. People look and they see right through me. I listen, I hear their calls for attention. I watch them hopelessly drawing the spotlight. There are those who would say that it is my own fault that I am the way I am. This is not necessarily true, I am the product of my environment. I am what you make me. Constantly effected by your thoughts of me. Yes somehow I never seem to change.

Shows Shows Shows

I've been going to lots of shows lately and have seen some great bands, I've also seen some not so great bands. I just got back from a show, left early because some people who shall remain nameless were being assholes. I just love when people make fun of me for liking a certain band. I've got news for you, just because you don't like a band doesn't mean that they aren't good. I don't like U2 but they are a great band and I have respect for them. The sad part is that it this was comming from people that I considered friends. Anyway, I will try not to dwell on it but it's not likely. Oh and I'm going to see Star Wars Episode III Revenge of the Sith again tomorrow. The new theater over in Hurricane has an awesome new sound system that only 4 or 5 other theaters in the country have so I figured I would go check it out. So yeah, that's it, nobody cares and nobody reads this but I still write.

3060

I finally took the GED on Tuesday and passed it. I got a 3060 as the title of this post implies. I got well above passing on all sections and 3 were even in the top 90th percentile. So now I have to go in and get all signed up for classes, I sort of have mixed feelings about it. I'm excited about finally doing something but at the same time I'm frightened of being around that many people.

I went to another show with Matt, AJ, and Colton tonight. It wasn't the greatest show but whatever, better than sitting at home doing nothing.

In case you didn't notice I've sort of lost my passion for blogging seeing as there's nothing exciting going on right now. Maybe once I start school I'll start blogging again more often.

I decided that I need to learn how to play guitar, maybe if I learn that and am actually able to write music then some lyrics will come out.

Battle Of The Bands

well, tonight is the battle of the bands at the Electric Theatre. should be fairly amusing and seeing as my mother was able to score matthew and i free tickets there's nothing to be lost. i'll take my camera so that i can take pictures and post them later on.

Show, 03-26-2005

okay, so i went to a show tonight for the first time in about a year, and surprisingly it wasn't a complete waste of my time. here's a quick recap of the bands that played and what i thought of them personally.

Abby Normal: interesting, sort of blink-182ish but not really, i liked them enough to listen to all of their songs.

Broke: annoyingly loud, stupid looking pierced nose vocalist. insane bass player who almost smacked said vocalist in the back of the head with his bass.

Slender Means: by far the best of the four bands, a very interesting mix of styles, 2 guitarists, a bassist, a keyboardist, and a drummer. very good vocals by both guitarists, very harmonic.

Side Dish: Ska-core band, i can't give a fair review seeing as i left after the second song, which was a cover of "Don't Turn Away" (not sure what band did it originally)

all in all it was a fairly okay show, 2 out of the 4 bands impressed me, which is pretty damn good seeing as i'm so very critical of local bands. the annoying thing is that whenever the bands would tell us to buy their stuff they would say "merch" instead of just saying "merchandise" or "buy our shit" it was really stupid.

okay, other than the show i've just been working on my GED, i should have it in time to start school this upcomming semester. i've also been playing WoW like there's no tomorrow. anyhow, rock on and all that good stuff.

Strange Dreams

well in keeping with the trend of strange dreams I've been having lately I had a couple more last night. it's about the 5th time in the last few weeks that I've dreamed about my hair being long.....is it a sign from beyond that my hair is meant to be long? my other dream was beyond strange, it was about this girl that I used to know. the really strange part about it is that I don't think I've even thought about this girl, letalone seen her in the past 3 years or so. in fact, I remember the last time I talked to her. if I remember correctly it was about a week after halloween a few years ago. my good friend matt and i were at the grocery store up the street from my old house buying snackage for an all night game session...or something of that sort. this girl insisted that she had seen me being arrested at a party the week before, she also insisted that I did drugs and would not hear otherwise despite the fact that I've never done a drug in my life unless it was prescribed to me by a doctor. anyhow this dream I had was very odd, I can't remember exactly what it was about but I remember seeing my old elementary school in it. anyway, that's it for now, I'm off to try and escape the real world and my very real depression.

World Of Warcraft

well, i've been busy playing World Of Warcraft for the past week or so, hence the lack of updates. nothing really exciting happening anyway, looking for a job, working on my GED. I'll probably start college in the fall. anyhow that's just about it, just thought i would let everyone know that i'm still alive.

Strange Happenings

ok, some strange things have been going on, at least strange for me. last night i had a dream about being out of peanut butter, very traumatic. today when my mother got home from work she gave me the email address of a girl that she works with who is my age. my mother has never tried to set me up before and it's very odd. we shall see if the strange happenings continue from here or if they cease, i'm not sure which would be better.

Hitch

i have tendonitis in my wrist and it hurst to type so i'll make this short. hitch is a very funny movie and lives up to the expectations i had based on the previews. will smith and kevin james are hilariously funny, and eva mendez is terrific. it's a shame she doesn't get more roles like this but instead gets shafted with roles like she had in Stuck On You and 2 Fast 2 Furious. in short, this is the perfect date movie. go see it, even if you don't have a date go see it alone.

Irony

it seems ironic to me that someone who loves music as much as i do can be so completely devoid of any sort of artistic creativity. i've wanted to write my own music for years now, or at least my own lyrics, yet i cannot. why was i cursed with this lack of creativity? i guess i'll never know the real answer.

Lonely Days

well, i'm feeling lonely today, i'm sure it will pass though. even if i did meet someone i wouldn't have a lot of free time to spend with them. i'm sure i would be able to make time but i'm not too worried about it. just feeling lonely. work is the same, every night i go to the same place and do the same thing, it's not that it's a bad job, just getting a bit repetative.

Rain Rain Rain

annoying rain this morning, and it's going to be cloudy all week so i have to bag my papers every day. i usually get home at 5:00 and this morning i didn't get home until 6:00, i'm really starting to hate the rain.

Hatred

i hate the new england patriots, enough said.

Routine

well, i've been doing the hurricane route for about 5 days now, the last two of which have been on my own. i'm getting into a routine, things are working out pretty well. i got home at 5:00AM this morning, which is a full hour earlier than yesterday. the only thing i'm worried about is that i don't have time for much else besides sleep and work. i have tv shows that i watch with my mom almost every night, saturday and sunday are the only days that i don't watch anything. i'm asleep most of the day because i have to work at night. i just don't know how this is going to work out, i obviously can't go to school. my mom said she doesn't want me to worry about school right now though because she thinks that this is a good opportunity for me. so i guess i'll just get my GED so that i can start school whenever i'm ready. i'm starting to get pretty lonely though, it's been about a year since robin and i met, i'm really not hung up on her though, i don't really think about her that often. i'm still more hung up on ashley than i ever will be about robin, and i'm really not that hung up on ashley. it's just being alone that makes me lonely.....hmmm, that makes sense. yeah, like i've told people countless times, my greatest fear is being alone. right now i'm living that fear, and i've gotta say, facing it isn't helping at all.

Chaos, Utter Chaos

well i had one hell of a morning, i arrived at work at 1:30 AM to do my paperwork before loading up my truck. I get the paperwork done by 2:00 like i always do. I get the truck around to the dock and there are still 3 vans loading up. i go in and ask donna what is going on and she says that we're running more than an hour late. i didn't get on the road until about 3:30 when normally i'm out of there by 2:15. I make my first three drops without incident, when i get to lins to make the big drop there are already carriers waiting there for their papers. so of course i had to give the people that were already there their papers first, which really screwed up my order. during the course of the unloading one of the carriers got 1 extra bundle and i ended up having to drive all the way back to the plant to get a bundle +5 and then all the way back out to santa clara to make my last 4 drops. needless to say it was a very hectic morning for me. i got back home at about 6:15 and went to sleep after a little surfing of the net. at 9:00 roger calls me and asks me if i can come out to the plant to have a little meeting with him about something. so i get up and get dressed and head out there. about 5 minutes after i got there the fire alarm started going off, it turns out that a water line broke in the press room and it was flooding. so roger is running around trying to find the place to turn off the water and trying to get someone to come turn off the fire alarm. finally after about 45 minutes of sitting around on my part roger comes back and tells me what the deal is. his boss called him this morning and told him that he is over budget for employees and that he can't keep me on as a regular employee. he then tells me that he want's me to sign a contract so that he can keep me on because i'm doing such a good job. so now i will be doing the hurricane route 7 days a week and be getting a flat rate every two weeks, and i drive my own vehicle now instead of a company vehicle. now that all of the chaos has finally subsided i am ready to go back to sleep. goodnight, or morning as it were.

First Day

well, i survived my first day on the new job. i think this job will work out really well. it'll take me a week to get a sleeping schedule set up, i've been on a "normal" schedule for the past couple of weeks and now i have to go back to my usual. in other news, my ps2 finally bit the dust after a good 3 years of having to open it up and fix the laser every month or so. i guess i know what i'll be spending my first paycheck on, i'll just get one of those fancy new slimline model ps2s. i think i'll look on ebay for a pre-modded one so that i can play my "backup" games. anyhow, rock on and all that good stuff, i'll update if anything good happens.

The Urge

i don't think i've ever wanted to be elsewhere more than i do right now. not for any particular reason, i just feel like i need to be somewhere else. i really feel the need to be camping, around a campfire. i feel like a different person when i'm sitting near a fire, either with others or all alone. or perhaps the fire brings out my true self, maybe i am only me when i am at a fire and right now i am a different person.

New Job

well lets see, what's been going on in AlanRay's world lately. marie and i played tennis on monday, that was cool, very difficult to learn but fun i also had a job interview with the spectrum. yesterday i sat around on my bum all day doing nothing, and i got a call about the job with the spectrum. today i went to IHC Workmed to do a drug screening for my new job, then i went to the DLD to get a copy of my driving record (oooh fun). later, actually in about 15 minutes i'm going over to marie's house to hang out. nothing overly exciting, the job thing is good, i'll be a part time delivery driver for the spectrum. 6 days a week 4 hours a day, decent pay. should work out well.

Flooded

well, my family and i went around town today to survey the damage of the floods. i took some amazing pictures of it all which can be found here
thanks go to the dictator moonty for hosting my pics on his wonderful website, also visit his blog

New Hair (Or Lack Thereof)

on an impulse this morning i shaved the majority of my hair off, down to 3/8". i mostly did it because i knew i'd have to get a haircut in order to find a job. i just figured that i might as well save myself a few bucks and do it myself. i'll have pics soon so that you can all see me in all my short haired glory. i miss my hair, but i'll let it grow back when i have a solid job and don't have to worry about job interviews.

Happy To Report

i am happy to report that i am indeed still alive, luckily (for me) the flooding is happpening away from my home. not so happy to report that so far 27 houses have been literally taken out by the flood and at least 1 person is dead. i'm sure there are many many more houses that are flooded, the ones that i mentioned are actually gone. the santa clara river claimed most of them as far as i know, it basically carved it's own path and the banks got wider by the minute (the news said 1 foot per minute at it's peak). the small community of gunlock was completely seperated from civilization, as some of you may know, gunlock has bridges on both ends of town which are the only way in and out (besides a dirt road which was also washed out i am told). both bridges were supposedly destroyed in the flood and the national guard has been evacuating people from the town by way of a black hawk helicopter. needless to say it has been a crazy couple of days here in southern utah, but hopefully the worst is over.

The British Accent

i just realized this morning while i was laying in bed that i find british accents extremely attractive. strangely enough i don't think i've ever met anyone in real life that has a british accent. for some reason i really want to meet a girl with a british accent. i think it would make things so very different for me. this really shouldn't be so big to me but it's like some sort of revelation. i shall stop at nothing until i meet a cute sexy girl with a british accent. and that is my fiendish plan.

Another Year Past

well, another year in the history books, many things happened this year, i don't feel like naming many, so i will name some that have happened in the last month or so. earlier today the ASU Sun Devils beat the Purdue Boilermakers in one of those college bowl games. The 49ers were shut out this year for the first time in a long time (something like 30 years). the 49ers will also have the number one draft pick this year because they suck so badly. Reggie White died. Angel was cancelled. the first three seasons of Seinfeld, AKA the greatest show ever, came out on DVD. The final season of Buffy came out on DVD. i'm sure many other more important things happened this year that I can't think of at the moment. So yeah, happy new year everyone, and to Dustin. I hope you fulfil your new years resolution.

Keira Knightley & X-Mas

Well then, x-mas is over now, and I must say that I was pleasantly surprised this year. I figured I would get some CD-Rs and maybe a DVD or 2. Boy was I wrong. I got a palmOne Zire 72 handheld, wireless keyboard for the palm, 20 DVD-R, 20 DVD+R, a nice DVD-R drive, 100 CD-R, King Arthur Unrated Directors Cut DVD, and a few other small things. Needless to say I was very surprised to receive so much stuff.

I just got through watching King Arthur and I must say that Keira Knightley is absolutely stunning. She looks like a british version of Natalie Portman, which is better anyway because the accent is very sexy. Yes, in case you hadn't figured it out yet, I am pathetic.

Living In The Kingdom Of Loathing

well, i've been busy this last couple of weeks. i started playing Kingdom Of Loathing recently and i'm becomming addicted. I would recommend it to anyone who enjoys a little fun every once in awhile.

i've also been busy with school, i went to the learning center every day this last week and have about 2.5 hours left before i can take the GED. if all goes according to plan I will be attending Dixie State College part-time starting January of 2005.

The Seinfeld Chronicles

well, it finally happened. the greatest thing since sliced bread. The first three seasons of Seinfeld, AKA the greatest show ever, were released on DVD last week. Today I received my Seinfeld Collectors Edition. Which not only has the first three seasons, it also includes a copy of an original script with hand written notes by Larry David, collectable Monk's Salt and pepper shakers, and a deck of Seinfeld playing cards. Needless to say I am basking in the glory of Seinfeld remastered in full digital quality on DVD. I think one of my favorite features thusfar is the "Notes About Nothing" feature which is on every episode. It is a simple subtitle track that has various production notes and trivia about each episode, such as # of times Kramer has entered Jerry's apartment thusfar in the series, # of Girlfriends/Boyfriends Jerry, George and Elaine have had, and many other interesting tidbits.

Thanksgiving

well, thanksgiving has been a very hectic day. this has been a hectic week for that matter. two of my sisters, my brother, my sister kelli's boyfriend, my sister heather's husband, two nephews and one niece are all staying here for about three days. i ate a lot of food today and it tasted mighty good.

on a different, and very tiring subject. i'm starting to believe that the main reason i haven't had a girlfriend for over 3 years is because i'm afraid to like anyone. every time i start to think that i like someone i somehow manage to scare myself away. i started to have a panic attack last night just at the thought of liking someone. anyhow, enough of my pointless ramblings. i'm sure anyone reading this has more important thinks you could be doing, so go back to doing those more important things.

Long Drive

well then, on tuesday i will be driving up to ogden so that i can bring matt down to his family for thanksgiving. it's about 5.5 hour drive from here so i'm not really looking forward to that, i am however looking forward to seeing matt for the first time since mid september. another good thing is that cierra is comming down for thanksgiving so i'll get to see her hopefully. i think the worst thing about the drive will be the trip back home, seeing as we have to stop in murray to pick up my sister, her husband, and my nephew to bring them down for thanksgiving. so it will be a long trip. normally i only have to stop about 2 times (unless matt has to pee a lot), but this time i will have to stop more often probably because of the other people. perhaps my sister will drive part of the way so that i can just sleep for a bit.....ahhh sleeping on a long car drive, it's been awile since i've been able to do that.

on the subject of education, i just finished re-learning division last night. so i'm going to the learning center for a few hours today so that i can get a couple more books and work on them over the thanksgiving break.

Edumacation

well, it turns out that it's going to be just as easy to get my HS Diploma as it would be to get my GED so i'll probably go for the Diploma. if i can get it in time to start classes in january that is. anywho, all i really have to do is re-learn some basic math and pre-algebra stuff. once that's done i'm golden. my language and understanding skills are fine and i know my science and history for the most part. so i guess we'll see what happens.

Four Years And Running

well, today marks the 4 year anniversary of the last time I kissed a girl, pretty sad eh? whats even sadder is the fact that I know the exact date of the last time i kissed a girl :P

on a brighter note, my grandma is going to help me pay for my college so that I won't have to get a full time job and can just keep doing part time for the dixie center. so I'll be taking the GED and SAT soon so that I can start in january. anyhow, that's about all for now.

The Hardest Thing

Today I had to do the hardest thing I've ever done in my life thusfar. I had to take my dog to get put to sleep. Cookie was nearly 17 years old, which is the equivilant of about 81 human years. He was almost completely blind and deaf and it was too hard to watch him suffer. He was a Schnauzer/Cockerspaniel/Poodle mix and he's been with me since I can remember. I don't know what I will do without him sleeping outside my door in the hallway everynight, and without hearing his barking because he wants a treat. He had a long and happy life and was never mistreated. There wasn't a day in his life when he wasn't spoiled rotten. He was my companion and my best friend and I will miss him very much. The bond between a boy and his dog is not something that can be expressed in words. Cookie was with me through thick and thin, he always knew when I wasn't feeling well. He would lay on my bed to protect me when I was sick, and he was always waiting for me at the door when I came home from school. I love him very much and nothing will ever be able to fill the empty space in my life now that he is gone. We are having him cremated so that he can still be close to us even in death. We are getting a new dog tomorrow named Poncho, hopefully he will help ease the sadness and heartache that my whole family will surely be feeling. And hopefully it will help my other dog, Beezer, adapt to not having his big brother around to take care of him.

My Boring Life

well then, my life is so incredibly boring that I don't even have anything to write about in my blog. I used to write in this damn thing nearly every day and now it's once a week, on a good week. Something needs to happen in my life, and soon. I really should be looking for a job, but it's difficult to find a job in southern utah unless I want to work fast food (which I will NEVER do) or if I have some sort of medical training (which I obviously dont). Oh well, I guess I'll have to make the rounds with my resume again and hope that CD Warehouse has an opening or something. I suppose if it comes down to it I could try to get back on at sears. Anyhow, that's about it, I'll update the next time something actually happens.

50th Anniversary

So today is my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary. I'm all busy running around getting stuff set up and taking pictures (I'm the photographer for the actual event). It kind of sucks being busy like this, but I'm happy for them. 50 Years is a long time, I can only hope that I'll find love like that some day.

Finished

well, we just finished unloading the last trailer from the old house. now all we have to do is get some of the boxes unpacked so that there is actually room to move around in the garage. I need to find all of the stuff from my room, my new room is pretty empty. anyhow, i will be forced to find a job soon and i'm hoping it won't be something like sears where i have to wear a uniform everyday. i also really don't want to cut my hair again. wish me luck in my search for a job....again.

moved in

egads, i have to type this all over again because i hit back on accident. anyhow, i'm moved into the new house now so those of you that live in town should call me or email me so that we can hang out sometime. not much going on other than the new house, if anything exciting happens i'll be sure to post about it. oh and be sure to check out my friends blogs.


Katie's Blog


Matt's Blog


they are both teh rox0rz so check them out.

Living Space

well, i moved into the new house today, for the most part anyway. I have my bed and computer, all the essentials. now i just have to help everyone else in the family move in. not really looking forward to that. anyhow, nothing else exciting going on, life is boring as usual. goodbye for now my fellow humans, and the occasional canine reader.