tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-80132102024-03-13T23:39:23.510-06:00AlanRay's Stupid BlogJust like it says, AlanRay's Stupid Blog.AlanRayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01195291694812289088noreply@blogger.comBlogger180125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013210.post-6041020093301061092012-06-16T14:55:00.001-06:002012-06-16T14:55:59.314-06:00Gender RolesSometimes I get so frustrated with traditional gender roles. As a man, I am expected to be the pursuer. I am expected to be aggressive. As a woman, you're expected to be cute, and timid, and it's all a bunch of lies. It seems as though we've been conditioned... brainwashed if you will, into believing that this is simply the natural order of things. That men must be the aggressor and women must beAlanRayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01195291694812289088noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013210.post-35404523836676707552011-09-28T11:33:00.001-06:002011-09-28T11:44:33.036-06:00No words are necessary to explain this. This is America.http://bostonreview.net/BR36.5/jeanne_mansfield_occupy_wall_street.phpAlanRayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01195291694812289088noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013210.post-10365756300948990632010-11-10T20:41:00.002-07:002010-11-10T20:59:33.407-07:00The FacebookI deleted my facebook account.I can no longer tolerate the blatant disregard for basic privacy. I can't believe I ever did. It seems like every 6 months or so Mark Zuckerberg decides to introduce a new feature. This would outwardly seem like a good thing. Don't get me wrong, new features can be great, and many of these new features have turned out to be great. The problem I have is not with the AlanRayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01195291694812289088noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013210.post-9025748997359407842009-02-27T05:32:00.002-07:002009-02-27T05:38:50.130-07:00LifeSo obviously it's been quite some time since I've posted. It's been a whirlwind the last six months. I had surgery on my knee in early September. Got a girlfriend around that same time. She moved in with me about a month later. We got married in January. If you had asked me at the time of my last post if I would be married in 6 months I would have said "no way." And yet here we are. I've never AlanRayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01195291694812289088noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013210.post-58637374419346466782008-08-30T22:06:00.003-06:002008-08-30T22:10:19.959-06:00I Wish I Could Hate YouI try to tell myself that I have changed. I try to change, I want you to be wrong. Nothing has changed. I'm the same depressed, useless person I have always been. I try, I try every day to be better, but I can't. I feel like I almost changed, but you left me unfinished, and now I'll never get that chance again. So thank you, for leaving me when I needed you the most. Thank you for abandoning me. AlanRayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01195291694812289088noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013210.post-30549855029368934692008-08-21T13:44:00.003-06:002008-08-21T13:47:40.390-06:00Lateral ReleaseSo I finally went to see the orthopedic surgeon this morning. Apparently my patella isn't tracking properly because of tight ligaments. So on the 10th of September I will be having surgery to fix the issue. It's going to put me into some serious debt, but it has to be done. I'm just glad that I finally know exactly what is wrong and that it's going to be fixed. After 8 years of ignoring it I AlanRayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01195291694812289088noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013210.post-20380000372146038852008-08-08T11:58:00.002-06:002008-08-08T12:02:38.146-06:00New EndeavorsSo, I have decided that with all of my free time I will strike out on a new endeavor. So, without further ado I introduce you to MovieGeek. Here I will be reviewing the majority of the movies I watch. If you know me at all you know that I watch a lot of movies, so there shouldn't be any shortage of content to post about. I will be posting reviews on all of the new movies I see as well as AlanRayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01195291694812289088noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013210.post-80053616992780695732008-08-05T14:50:00.002-06:002008-08-05T14:56:48.406-06:00Of Mice And Medical BillsSo I went to get an MRI on my knee yesterday, that was lots of fun. Laying completely still inside a giant machine that makes loud noises for about an hour. I guess my doctor will get the results today and I'll hear from him tomorrow hopefully. I'm really hoping that it's just a clear case and that there isn't any question what's wrong. I want to just have the surgery for whatever it is and be AlanRayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01195291694812289088noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013210.post-23544493220269774012008-08-02T18:02:00.002-06:002008-08-02T18:08:05.928-06:00Knee ProblemsI finally went to see the doctor about my knee yesterday. Something I should have taken care of a long time ago. He says that he thinks it's a torn meniscus, which is obviously not a good thing. So I have to go get an MRI on Monday, for which I will have to pay in the neighborhood of $700. If it does turn out to be the meniscus then I will have to have surgery to either repair it or take out the AlanRayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01195291694812289088noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013210.post-59466873884695095372008-07-27T17:24:00.004-06:002008-08-08T11:58:12.098-06:00The X-Files: I Want To BelieveThis post has been moved to my new movie review blog, MovieGeekAlanRayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01195291694812289088noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013210.post-86560764532934524932008-07-21T20:56:00.004-06:002008-07-22T12:36:12.769-06:00CompulsionI write because I am compelled to write, not because I have anything in particular to write about. I wish I could write interesting fiction, my brain simply doesn't seem to come up with ideas fit for that sort of thing. So I am relegated to writing about the happenings within my own life, whether they be interesting or not.I have had a couple of weeks here where the bad has outweighed the good. AlanRayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01195291694812289088noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013210.post-31054993612700656502008-07-10T04:32:00.001-06:002008-07-10T04:33:49.361-06:00Insert Whining HereThere's nothing to say that hasn't already been said before. *insert whining here* That is all.AlanRayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01195291694812289088noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013210.post-3794975709487558732008-07-06T22:42:00.004-06:002008-07-06T22:44:42.255-06:00Just FriendsIt happened again. "Just Friends" Just like every other time I've fallen for someone. At least I didn't try to kiss her like I wanted to. That would have made things even worse. This always happens with the girls I meet, but not before I've managed to become desperately into them. Now I start the healing process all over again. Just wonderful.AlanRayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01195291694812289088noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013210.post-83906864575424640052008-07-05T14:52:00.003-06:002008-07-05T14:56:03.707-06:00It's Happening AgainIt's happening again. I'm falling for this girl way too fast. Apparently it's just a part of my personality that this happens to me. I feel like I'm doing something wrong. Sometimes I think she likes me, sometimes I think she doesn't. Sometimes I think she wants to just be friends, sometimes I think she wants to be more than friends. I'm just so confused, I suppose that's the way it's supposed toAlanRayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01195291694812289088noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013210.post-91482799939055221982008-06-24T01:57:00.003-06:002008-06-24T02:00:29.063-06:00Nice Guys Finish LastSometimes I wish I wasn't such a nice guy. Sometimes I think it would be easier to be like the rest of them. I don't actually want to, but sometimes it would be nice. I wouldn't have people walking all over me all the time. I would have the chance to actually get the girl. Girls always say that they like nice guys, yet somehow they're always with the jerks. I'm sick of it. I guess the saying is AlanRayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01195291694812289088noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013210.post-11114191141669812602008-06-19T01:57:00.002-06:002008-06-19T02:05:11.767-06:00Aches And PainsThings are not going well in my head. There are various problems, along with an overall feeling of dread. I'm sure the main catalyst is problems with the girl, what else would it be? I'm worried about what will happen. The last time a girl told me that she needed space and would talk to me when she was ready I waited around for four months only to find out that she never planned to speak to me AlanRayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01195291694812289088noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013210.post-49869926869240630172008-06-11T20:50:00.002-06:002008-06-11T20:55:05.933-06:00Nothing To Distract MeSeeing my Grandma with a feeding tube is difficult. It's not like she's dying or anything, she just can't swallow her food right until they fix her throat. It's still scary to see her like this. It's going to be a difficult few weeks. The dogs are freaking out because they can't sit in the chair with her, we don't want them to yank the tube out by accident. Everything pretty much sucks today, AlanRayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01195291694812289088noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013210.post-62250758799316204412008-06-11T02:31:00.002-06:002008-06-11T02:49:56.543-06:00Dogs, Girls, WorkSo, here I sit again. Late into the night, unable to sleep. Wading through the ocean of thoughts that consume my mind. So much has been happening these last couple of weeks. We got a new dog, which is cool. He's a pretty mellow dog, which works well for our family. He's been sleeping in my room, which is different for me, but also cool. I met this great girl that I really like. She's interesting AlanRayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01195291694812289088noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013210.post-80622486445780072282008-05-28T04:44:00.003-06:002008-05-28T04:53:03.971-06:00Unknown FutureI finally feel like I'm maybe through the worst of this, ready to move on. Strange that it would be something so simple being said to me that would cause such a quick change. Also strange that it came from my Mother. She said to me "She's not going to change her mind." That simple statement made me realize that I can't dwell on this forever. She was my best friend, I still miss her and care aboutAlanRayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01195291694812289088noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013210.post-90201877577202939392008-05-23T03:37:00.003-06:002008-05-23T03:39:51.307-06:00Waking UpThere's this feeling that I get just before I open my eyes. Right after I wake up but before I open my eyes. I never know where I will be when I open them. I always know where I want to be, but that never seems to be where I am. I've woken up in so many different places in just the last year, I'm never quite sure where I am before I see.AlanRayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01195291694812289088noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013210.post-31182423747939283462008-05-19T08:34:00.002-06:002008-05-19T08:41:26.971-06:00Hometown BluesHere I am, back in my hometown again. I used to love coming here, especially when I knew that it meant seeing you. Now it's almost worse being here than at home. When I'm here I know that you're only 10 minutes away but that I can't see you. When I'm here everything reminds me of you, even more than usual. I sit in this basement where we watched movies and myspace videos of cute animals. After I AlanRayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01195291694812289088noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013210.post-41069883497060436912008-05-12T02:41:00.003-06:002008-05-12T02:53:51.844-06:00For YouI wrote this for you, when I read it to you I didn't tell you that it was about you. You told me that it was sad. You're the only one I've ever read my writing to. You're the only person who has ever shown interest in anything I've done. You used to read this blog, I'm certain that you don't anymore. I remember the first time you called me, you couldn't stop laughing. You were laughing about my AlanRayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01195291694812289088noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013210.post-52718333136052042982008-05-07T18:00:00.002-06:002008-05-07T18:05:29.870-06:00Afraid Of MyselfI feel as though the only thing keeping me alive anymore is that I don't want to hurt my family. If it weren't for them I don't think I would be here anymore. I feel like there's nothing, and I just want it to stop. I know that I'm never going to get better, I've been trying for half of my life to feel better. There's something wrong when you have to really try in order to be happy, and even whenAlanRayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01195291694812289088noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013210.post-88176617392612479152008-04-24T23:57:00.003-06:002008-04-25T00:11:12.497-06:00Going Through The MotionsEvery day feels like dying. I can't get away from this pain. Is a lie still a lie if you believe what you're saying is true? I lied to you, when I said I didn't. But I didn't know I was lying. The fact of the matter is, I do. It hurts me more than even I can believe, you have no idea. I know that you don't even think about me, you have no reason to. I'm sure you are feeling better now that I'm AlanRayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01195291694812289088noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013210.post-19698553906151775452008-04-18T23:38:00.004-06:002008-04-19T00:04:53.043-06:00It's Not Only My FaultI thought maybe that if I told myself that I am OK that I would be. It didn't work. I don't know who I thought I was kidding, I haven't been OK for a while now. I'm worse than I was before, as bad as I've ever been I think. I'm afraid to do anything with myself because I can't handle failing again. The whole reason I thought I would be able to go to college is because I thought I was going to AlanRayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01195291694812289088noreply@blogger.com0