Wednesday, March 05, 2008

OK Or Depressed

It's hard to know how I'm supposed to feel anymore. I've had such weird emotions since as far back as I can remember. I don't know what the appropriate emotion is half the time. I generally think I have two basic emotions that I feel. I'm either OK, or I'm depressed. When I'm OK I just sort of coast along through life dealing with problems. When I'm depressed I pretty much shut down and can't handle anything. Unfortunately it would seem that I'm depressed more often than I'm OK these days. I had to come home from work today because I was freaking out and couldn't handle it, which is terrible because that means that my Mom has to do that much more work because I'm not there. I hate feeling this way, and I don't know how to make it stop. No matter how much I tell myself that I'm going to be OK I just can't seem to believe it. I haven't cried in over a month now, which is strange for me. I think because I know that if I start to cry I won't be able to stop. I lost my best friend to my stupid feelings, how am I supposed to feel? How am I expected to just get over it and move on? I'm left doubting myself more and more every day. If I can't even keep a friend how am I supposed to be happy? I'm such a whiny little kid, no wonder nobody likes me.

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