Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Sometimes I wish I wasn't such a nice guy. Sometimes I think it would be easier to be like the rest of them. I don't actually want to, but sometimes it would be nice. I wouldn't have people walking all over me all the time. I would have the chance to actually get the girl. Girls always say that they like nice guys, yet somehow they're always with the jerks. I'm sick of it. I guess the saying is true, nice guys finish last.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Things are not going well in my head. There are various problems, along with an overall feeling of dread. I'm sure the main catalyst is problems with the girl, what else would it be? I'm worried about what will happen. The last time a girl told me that she needed space and would talk to me when she was ready I waited around for four months only to find out that she never planned to speak to me again. I'm worried that the same thing will happen again. I really like this girl and I don't want it to end before it even had a chance to begin. Along with all of this emotional stuff is the physical problems. My knee problems that I have had for years seem to have come to fruition. It's always been just an ache that I could deal with most of the time, now it's much more than that. I can't bend my knee more than about 45 degrees without it hurting really badly. So, I'm going to have to see a doctor, and most likely I will end up having to have surgery. The problem with this is that I don't have insurance and I don't have the money to pay for something like this, that is why I never took care of it before now. Now I can't ignore it anymore, I can't do my job without severe physical pain. So, as always, a plethora of problems that nobody cares about. Life just gets better and better.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Seeing my Grandma with a feeding tube is difficult. It's not like she's dying or anything, she just can't swallow her food right until they fix her throat. It's still scary to see her like this. It's going to be a difficult few weeks. The dogs are freaking out because they can't sit in the chair with her, we don't want them to yank the tube out by accident. Everything pretty much sucks today, I've been sitting around worrying about everything, nothing seems to be able to distract me.
So, here I sit again. Late into the night, unable to sleep. Wading through the ocean of thoughts that consume my mind. So much has been happening these last couple of weeks. We got a new dog, which is cool. He's a pretty mellow dog, which works well for our family. He's been sleeping in my room, which is different for me, but also cool. I met this great girl that I really like. She's interesting and funny and smart and beautiful. We'll just say that I'm cautiously optimistic. My oldest sister moved in with us, she's planning on taking over the business, which brings up a whole new set of problems. Our main client is dropping us, pretty much without warning, we just found out last week. So the business is basically shot, so there's not much for her to take over. This makes me especially upset because it means that in the near future I'm going to have to figure something out to make money. It also bothers me that this whole idea of owning a business was supposedly for "my future." Well if it was supposed to be for my future then why was I not consulted when my Mom and Grandma decided to buy this business. Then when I raised my concerns it changed from being about my future to being "something to do for a couple years until we figure something else out." Now the latest thing is "you need to go out and get a job." and "either go to school or start paying rent." Well it's kind of hard to go to school when I don't have any money to pay for it and god knows my parents never thought that far ahead. My Mom doesn't seem to understand that not everyone can just go out and get a job as easily as her. She's worked in the mortgage business her whole life, all she has to do is apply for a job and it's hers. It's a little harder when the only thing you can do is fix computers and don't have enough experience for anyone to hire you. Not to mention that fixing computers doesn't exactly pay the big bucks. With gas prices and everything else being so expensive $8/hr doesn't really cut it anymore. What I really want to do is own my own record store, I think that would be something that I could enjoy, but it takes money to start something like that. Seeing as the money that my Grandma spent on the business is never coming back I'm basically screwed. So pretty much life is the way it has always been for me, nothing is for sure, everything is up in the air. I imagine the coming months will be very frustrating and challenging, now all that's left is to see if I'm up for that challenge.