Afraid Of Myself

I feel as though the only thing keeping me alive anymore is that I don't want to hurt my family. If it weren't for them I don't think I would be here anymore. I feel like there's nothing, and I just want it to stop. I know that I'm never going to get better, I've been trying for half of my life to feel better. There's something wrong when you have to really try in order to be happy, and even when you try you just can't be. I can honestly remember being happy maybe once in the last five years, I mean really happy. The closest I ever come to happiness is simply OK, not thinking about anything for a few minutes. This is why I watch movies and play video games, they allow me to escape from my head. Life shouldn't be this way, it's just not right.