Dying Inside

For some reason I always find myself awake when I shouldn't be. Now for instance, I have to wake up at about 7AM, yet I can't force myself to go to sleep. I don't know why I do it to myself, some sort of self hatred or something maybe. It's been this way since I can remember. I've always done most of my thinking when everyone else is asleep. It's strange that I'm always wishing someone would understand the way I am feeling and just comfort me, yet I won't let anyone know how I'm feeling. I always feel this need to hide myself away. I feel like I would be in my family's way if they knew how I felt nearly all of the time. So I go through life faking that I'm okay, when really I'm dying inside more every moment.