Sunday, January 21, 2007
Sometimes I wonder if she ever looks back and remembers things the way I do. To her everything that happened between us was just a big mistake apparently. I just wonder if she ever just once looked back at the time we shared and didn't regret it for a second. It took me a long time to realize that what we had never would have worked, but I still would never regret it. What happened between us shaped both of our lives into what they are now. While I do regret what I have become I am happy to know that her life is at least somewhat like what she always hoped it would be. We had planned our whole lives, which was silly considering we were so young at the time. I don't have much that I can look back on and be happy about or be proud of, my life has been a series of failures and mis-fires. I will always have that short time to look back on. So I sit here in the middle of the night in this strange place, everyone else calls it home, I don't know what to call it. I'm forced to be here because there was nothing left for me where I was before. So every day I have to put on a face that is not my own, I have to pretend that there is a reason for being, when for me there is none.