Saturday, December 31, 2005
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
I thought of death today. I shop at Wal-Mart even though I believe they are evil. I wish I could love, though I don't know what I would do if I could. I looked at the ceiling today, as well as the walls. There is something I can't read written on the windshield of my truck in black marker. I forgot to buy things that I should have. I bought things I didn't need. I once ate a tube of cherry chap-stic, it made me feel sick. I said I would call someone weeks ago but haven't called yet. I want to call today but probably won't.
Monday, December 19, 2005
As the holidays draw near I can't help but reflect on time spent and wasted. I feel as though I wasted my teenage years away. This coming January I will turn 20 and my teenage years will be behind me. As that day draws nearer all I wish is that I could relive those days. So many things I should have done but didn't. So many things I wanted to do but couldn't. This will be my 5th consecutive holiday season spent alone. I don't forsee any season spent with someone to love any time in my near future. At the end of every year I still feel the same as the previous year. Lost, alone, depressed. For me the holidays are not a time of happiness and joy. For me the holidays are a time to lock myself away and be alone yet another year. For those of you who have someone special to share the season with, do something nice for that person. Don't bother with the grand gestures that you see on television and in the movies. What really matters is that you're together, the simple things in life are the most wonderful.